Why don't we learn the important things in school?*

What is the point of learning about Bismarck's unification of Germany? Why do we have to find out exactly what the difference is between common logarithms and natural logarithms? How will knowing how an atom is constructed be important later in life? As a junior at Edina High School, not a single one of my teachers has given me a satisfactory answer to any of those questions, and I am just about sick of it. Seriously, when will the teachers cut the crap and tell us the right and wrong ways to slay a Minotaur?

Sitting in any of my classes, whether the lesson is learning how to play basketball or how to conjugate the spanish verb ir, I often hear students ask the same question over and over, “Why are we learning these things? There is no way this will help me in real life.” And we students are right. Far too many teachers teach pointless filler instead of focusing on the sort of thing that will land us a job later on, things like how to duel The Mythical Faceless Fencer of Vogsmath while avoiding having your soul sucked out by his Cursed Darkslayer Blade.

And this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to start a dialogue about this sort of thing. I remember, when we were being prepped to take the PSAT just a few weeks ago, the teacher asked if there were any questions about the test. I raised my hand and asked him the question that all teachers should be forced to defend their lesson plan against. “Why are we sitting here doing this when right this second you could be instructing us on the proper method of ritualistically burning fairies so as to appease The High Necromancers of Gleshdale so they won’t curse our town with a poor millet harvest season?”

And guess what? The teacher just rolled his eyes and asked if there were any real questions, as though wanting to know how to lower the fairy population and save the village from starvation weren’t real concerns!

Another thing, why is there so much emphasis in the classroom about preparation for college? Not everyone has to go to college. Thomas Edison didn’t study at a university, and neither did Albert Einstein or Sir Godric of Yeldrin, Champion Knight of Archenslen and Slayer of The Great Basilisk!

Perhaps I’m exaggerating. Maybe there is some deeper meaning to all the rote memorization and mindless testing. Then again, what could it be? Maybe they’re trying to teach us the answers to all the riddles The Great Sphinx of Johelsin could ask us, or perhaps they want us to be able to speak with The Philosophers Supreme of the Highest Chambers competently. But more and more, it seems that they keep trying to cram our heads filled with meaningless knowledge just so that the teachers can get their paycheck, move us through the system, and eventually sell us for slave labor in The Accursed Dimension of Fire and Bones.