98% of classes comprised of food metaphors*

In a recent study released by the United States Department of Education, the vast majority of lessons in elementary through high schools involve food-based metaphors to explain basic concepts to students. “The study found,” said Department of Education worker Andrea L. Kilnsmin “That whether the teacher is trying to explain math, science or literature, they are far more likely to explain it by making a connection to, say, grapes or soda or hamburgers, than use textbooks or traditional lecture techniques.”

The study, which observed six thousand food based lessons in schools in all fifty states, found that the most common food metaphor was describing the interaction between federal and local governments as some sort of layer cake. The second was using some sort of pudding to help students visualize what atoms were envisioned to look like by some 20th century scientists.

Do the food metaphors work? Opinions vary among students and teachers affected by the teaching. Noted expert in the field and author of the book, Keep the Food in the Cafeteria, Dr. Andrew Pearson spoke out on the subject even before the official study was released, saying “It is incredibly detrimental to students everywhere when vital subjects are only explained to them in relation to food. How can you expect a high schooler to eventually become an engineer, for example, if they have only ever heard about negative and positive space when compared to applesauce and ice cream?”

The educational tactic, however, does have its supporters. Some of the strongest advocates for this type of explanation are the students themselves. “How would you expect me to understand the concept of existentialism without thinking about a roasted turkey? How can I write a five-paragraph essay without using a hamburger as a reference? Seriously, if you take away these food based metaphors, you take away my ability to learn,” said one of these students, Edina High School senior Sarah Gimbel.

“Of course they can’t understand how these metaphors are hurting their academic lives in the long run,” said Dr. Pearson, “They can’t even understand the concept of a metaphor without thinking about it like a multi-layered chocolate cheesecake with millet on top.”