As a result of a recent hostage negotiation, we at The Southern View got the once-in-a-lifetime chance to sit down with Seventeen Magazine’s trademark “Hot Guy Panel”! See what they had to say!
Q 1: What is the perfect way to score a kiss at a New Year’s Eve party?
Bryan: I primp big time with a new tie and good slacks!
Alex: I use my dog as a wingman!
Jeremy: I plant a thirst trap on facebook, posting a selfie with the caption “I wonder who I will kiss tonight?”
Q 2: What is the best way to woo your crush?
Bryan: I try to compliment her on how appealing her clothing is!
Alex: Can I say the same thing as Bryan?
Jeremy: I plant a thirst trap for that too!
Q 3: Follow up question, Why do you want to woo your crush? Do you get true happiness out of a relationship, or just fleeting joy of artificial love before running off to your next object of desire?
Bryan: Um, yeah, I feel happy I guess. Sort of. Wow, I never thought about it like that before. Huh.
Alex: I suppose ever since my father left when I was in fifth grade I’ve tried to fill the vacuum in my heart he left with an endless string of short-lived girlfriends.
Jeremy: That’s a quandary even a thirst trap can’t answer.
Q 4: Free will: good or bad?
Bryan: You know, having someone else making all the tough decisions for me would be pretty awesome. I’d say bad.
Alex: I just don’t know any more.
Jeremy: There is no free will. We’re all just robots, subject to what the powers that be tell us to do.
Q 5: Say you died right now. Would St. Peter let you through the pearly gates?
Bryan: Maybe, but I wouldn’t deserve it.
Alex: No.
Jeremy: Just leave me alone.
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