Audible screaming could be heard coming from the Heavens last Wednesday night as God, Lord Our Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, threw a tantrum over an incorrect rendition of the “Father Abraham” song at a meeting of the Junior Worshipers of St. Harper’s Church in Ethenrail, Arkansas.
“First off,” yelled The Perfect and Most Wonderful Almighty as he threw down lightning bolts out of rage, “It goes ‘right arm, left arm,’ not ‘left arm right arm!’ Why, in my name, would children put the most sinful side of the body first? And, secondly, it really riles me up how those politically correct song leaders keep on singing, ‘Father Abraham had many sons (and daughters),’ instead of just sons! Including daughters goes against the Divine Truth of My Word, plus it doesn’t even fit with the rhythm! Seriously, these idiots are totally butchering a perfectly fine children’s hymn!”
At press time, the children and adult leaders continued happily singing, “Father Abraham had many sons (and daughters) and many sons (and daughters) had father Abraham! I am one of them, and so are you, so let’s just praise the Lord,” completely unaware that The Lord of The Universe had come to the decision to throw each and every one of them into hell.
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