This Wednesday, the administration of Edina High school paid the ultimate price for their hubris when the foolish mortals tried, with complete disregard for the millennia-old tradition, to alter the ancient schedule of collaborative time.
Edina High School principal Bruce Locklear was quoted as saying, “We’re excited to try out some new options for formatting collaborative time so as to maximize efficiency and keep students on campus” before the unspeakable heresy began. This quote very strongly contrasts with his commentary after the disastrous pilot of the altered schedule. “Oh, woe is me! Woe is me! What a rat-hearted, jelly-livered fool I was, to think that I, a man, had the right to tamper the strong and illustrious tradition of collaborative time!”
The alternate schedule, which featured a split-chunk collaborative time instead of the one large lump of time which was passed down from our forefathers, came with a stream of curse and hellfire and that apparently wasn’t unpredicted. Apparently, shortly before it began, senior Dorothy Shrift broke down the door to Locklear’s office and begged him to reconsider. “I wept and screamed, telling him that for his foolhardiness the gods above would torture and kill all of us. He called me crazy, but now he knows.”
UPDATE: The administration has just announced that they will further butcher the arcane extended lunch time next week. The message over the P.A. said, “We know that the storm of fire and darkness, plague of frogs, and curse of boils were a little tough, but with any luck we can beat this next week!”
(Above: Edina High School, moments before the blasphemous altered collaborative schedules began and giant swarms of ravens began circling the building).
No comments:
Post a Comment