Hyperventilating and running her hands through her hair nervously, sources confirmed that the source of area woman Brittany Bluefin’s panic was the sudden realization that she might have mistakenly donated money to homeless human beings, rather than an animal shelter.
“I just assumed that it would be a shelter that takes in poor, hungry puppies,” said the catanic Bluefin, referring to the donation jar on the counter of the Dairy Queen she just exited, in which she placed seven dollars. “But I just realized, it never said that it was for dogs! I might have given money to a place that feeds and clothes icky drug addict homeless guys!”
Bluefin, a tax accountant in Escamilla, Michigan, and the owner of three dogs, reportedly drove erratically on her way home from the ice cream restaurant. “I just can’t stand the thought of a poor little dog, moaning with hunger, while some welfare junkie off the street gets a warm meal and medical attention. But it’s nothing to get worked up about, because the jar must’ve been for a rescue shelter. Right? I mean, who puts out tip jars for gross people off the street?”
At press time, Bluefin had driven back to the Dairy Queen, seen that her donation had in fact gone to a local soup kitchen reserved for humans, and had demanded that her donation be taken out.
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