During their annual meeting last week, the Edina High School wing of the National League of Bathroom Idiots announced their plans to follow through on their mission statement to “make the lavatory-going experience as uncomfortable and unpleasant as possible” by continuing to speak loudly and abrasively about nothing in particular.
“In keeping with our five year plan to make urination a strange and unsettling experience for all EHS students who just want to piss in peace, we will keep yelling at each other about the drugs we did last weekend or how stupid our teachers are,” said Dill Jankord, leader of the LoBI.
“But we cannot and will not stop at making a big deal about someone’s sexual orientation when they use the urinal next to another person,” said an impassioned Jankord. “No, we must go further than that. I’m talking about leaving half eaten lunches in the stalls, stuffing the toilets with so many paper towels that they don’t flush properly, destroying the locks on the doors so you just have to put your backpack next to the door and hope no moron walks in on your, or removing the doors entirely! We’ve made great strides recently in destroying the EPAC bathroom so thoroughly that the staff
closed it permanently, but we can’t stop there!”
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