In a surprise press release (although it shouldn’t be too surprising given how long you’ve put it off) your mom confirmed that your English paper wasn’t going to write itself.
“C’mon, c’mon, you’ve read Things Fall Apart, right? Are you seriously trying to tell me that you’re too stupid to pull out three quotes, write some crap about the imagery or whatever, and hand it in to Mr. Porter on Thursday? Is that what you want me to take away from this?” said your mom in her official statement on the matter today.
Your mother followed up by countering the popular argument among dissenters that you can do it tomorrow. “Oh, now seriously, how big of an idiot do you think I am? I know that if I let you procrastinate this, you’ll drag it out until the day before its due and then hand in some unedited piece of garbage that’ll earn you a B-.”
Your mom added: “You don’t want this to turn out like the filth you called that Catch-22 paper, do you?”
Later, tensions were raised as your mom began screaming when faced with allegations from you that the essay is formative and is “really more of a writing exercise than a full on ‘essay.’”
The press conference ended with your mom threatening to put you out on “the dirty street and let you starve to death” if you didn’t at least get a thesis written by five o’clock tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment