Axe Body Spray Replaced With Poison Gas, no one Notices

In a tragic industrial accident, authorities have confirmed that upwards of millions of bottles of popular deodorant Axe Body Spray have been mistakenly filled with the highly toxic gas Cynithrium Nitrox and sold at thousands of retail locations. And, somehow, absolutely no one has noticed yet.

Cynithrium Nitrox, also known as Pepelko Death Gas, is an incredibly dangerous chemical, used exclusively for military purposes. “The effects of the gas on a person are unmistakably horrifying,” said Gino Mindir, United Nations Expert on Crimes Against Humanity. “It attacks the brain, first cutting off vocal control so that those afflicted begin talking really, really loud. It then goes for the basic reasoning and ethical centers of the cerebrum, essentially rendering its victims total jerks and capable of making only the most risky and stupid choices.

“How someone can not notice the effects of this horrible poison, I just don’t understand it,” added Mindir.