In a recent press release, the official union of The United Stated Postal Service announced that they would accept across-the-board pay cuts of as much as 15%, provided the American public agreed to send more money through the mail.
“I think we’re being very reasonable with our requests,” said Postmaster David Bismarck of New Haven, Connecticut. “We’re offering to save the American taxpayer millions of hard-earned dollars, just so long as they pay us back by tripling the number of money-carrying birthday cards and increase the average sum in each envelope by about $1,500.”
The postal service’s list of demands that must be met in order for them to accept the colossal pay cuts include clearly marking which letters have money inside them and requiring each piece of college mail to contain a minimum of $20.
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