Sunday, January 22, 2017

6 Important Reasons For the Women's March and 7 Lame Ones


1). Donald Trump has been accused of, and admitted to (in the Access Hollywood audio recording), sexual assault.
There’s no denying it, Donald Trump has no respect for women’s rights to their own bodies. If he acts this way as a private citizen, it’s extremely likely his choice in words and policy as president will not treat women with the respect they deserve. This is clearly one of our stronger reasons why the largest protest in U.S. history is morally justified.


2). Donald Trump sees women only as sexual objects.
You don’t need to dig very deep to find the countless examples of Donald Trump treating women’s beauty as their sole defining feature. It is frankly disgusting that our nation elected this man president.


3). Donald Trump looks like a big old pile of poop and no girl is ever going to kiss him!
A staff writer’s six-year-old niece came up with this one. While we’re sure she has her heart in the right place, the fact remains that Donald Trump was actually married three times, so the claim that no girl is ever going to kiss him is just incorrect.


4). Donald Trump judges women harshly for their physical appearance, while he’s pretty ugly on his own.
While we’re pretty confident no sensible human would call Donald Trump a looker, and his objectification does show some degree of hypocrisy and double standard, this attempt to put number three into more adult terms doesn’t work because it implies that it would be okay for an attractive man to make the same reprehensible comments. So, yeah, this is one of the lame ones.


5). Donald Trump opposes a woman’s right to choose.
Okay, let’s get back on track here. Donald Trump suggested that women who choose to have an abortion should be punished, and his Vice President Mike Pence spent much of the Vice Presidential debate railing against partial birth abortions, a nonexistent practice commonly used to demonize the left. That went pretty well, right?


6). Donald Trump repeatedly creates shallow, objectified female characters in his short stories, novels, and plays.
Upon closer inspection, we found that Donald Trump the real estate mogul and current U.S. president was actually a different person from Donald Trump the literary fiction writer, so this doesn’t work at all. And in all fairness, the latest work in his oeuvre, a novella entitled The Bronze Leaf of Hope, crafts a deep, realistic, and flawed yet strong female character in Rhonda Jefferson. Way to go, Trump!


7). Donald Trump uses sexism as a political weapon.
From his takedown of Carly Fiorina’s appearance to the subtle sexism in calling Hillary Clinton a “nasty woman,” Donald Trump’s language is specifically calibrated to appeal to sexist impulses in his supporters. And it worked.


8). Donald Trump raped and murdered Priscilla McKenzie in Hollowtown, Massachusetts, in 1912.
That was another Donald Trump too, as it turns out.


9). Our layout editor’s sister, who lost her job lately and is having trouble finding a new one, is making a killing off selling hand-knit pink pussy hats.
This is a little too personal for anyone who doesn’t know Sarah Clifford to really understand. Actually, knowing her makes it worse because everyone knows she spends all that money on weed.


10). Donald Trump supported defunding planned parenthood.
That Donald Trump would go out of his way to condemn an organization that offers breast exams and birth control to women who need it is appalling.


11). Donald Trump has only appointed two women to his cabinet.
One of them is Mitch McConnell’s wife and the other is the uber-rich and insanely unqualified Betsy DeVos. This lack of gender diversity is truly disheartening. Let’s hope we can squeeze out at least one more good one as we reach the end of the list.


12). Donald Trump is not a woman.
While factually correct, this one suggests that we need to mobilize international marches against every non-woman, which would be a lot of work and wouldn’t accomplish a whole lot.


13). Donald Trump still has not released his tax returns.
We could probably find some intersectionality-type reason why this pertains to women, but screw it, let’s just call this a lame one and call it a day.

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