A recent study by the Kleinert Center for Urban Research found that walk signal buttons are virtually useless unless pressed constantly until the walk sign comes on.
“The results were indisputable,” said Doctor of Statistics William Neussendorfer. “While pushing the button the recommended single time resulted in long waits, pressing it at such rapid fire speeds that the clicks begin to blur together into a monotonous and endlessly annoying cacophony almost always yields a near-instantaneous cross-signal illumination.”
When asked why the buttons are designed so as only to work when used in such obsessive-compulsive succession, Neussendorfer responded, “The designers wanted to ensure that only the people who really want it are able to cross the street.”
That goal may be undermined, however, as new Government-Issued signs warning pedestrians that the light will only change if they incessantly press the button are to be attached to each and every crosswalk.
Oddly enough, this coincides with another study by the Kleinert center, which confirmed that the only way to get someone to answer the door is to ring their doorbell a minimum of twenty times.
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