Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Cross country team forgets to stop running

Confusion and panic set in a little less than two weeks ago as the entirety of the boys section of the Edina Cross Country team, including the middle school, junior varsity, and varsity subsections, failed to return from a standard 47-minute run. While many feared the worst for the approximately 200 runners, aged 12-to-19, satellite photos and eyewitness reports confirmed that the athletes were unharmed but had simply forgotten to stop running.
The team was first reported in a farm a few miles outside outside the metro area. They were then found by various locals in South Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, and California. The team seems to be heading Southwest, completely unaware that they were supposed to turn around several thousand miles ago.
“Yep, I saw em’,” said Earl Pickett, a Dakotan insurance salesman who apparently glimpsed the horde of teenaged students as they passed through his hometown of Aberdeen. “A bunch of kids runnin’ through the street. Most of them without any shirts on, all sweaty lookin’.”
While many parents initially feared that their children would suffer from extreme exhaustion, the runners seem to be suffering no ill effects from their 340 consecutive hours of running. In fact, even the 7th graders who only had a few week’s worth of practice seem to be keeping up remarkably well with the rest of the pack.
The Southern View was able to get an exclusive interview with one of the runners. While driving alongside them in a van, we were able to talk to Anthony Moore, a sophomore at Edina High School and a junior varsity runner.
“Yeah, this run is going pretty well,” said Moore as he finished his 929th mile, now running through the outskirts of Boulder, Colorado. “I guess I’m kind of tired, but that’s to be expected for a long run at this point in the season. It’s nice that they got the whole team to do a run together.”
Throughout the entire interview, Moore seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that he had been running day and night for around a week at that point. In fact, the only time he appeared even mildly aware of his surroundings was when he noted, “This is kind of a different part of Edina than I’m used to.”
Some experts suggest that the cross country team might turn around when they reach the Pacific Ocean. Others predict that they will either run North, up through Oregon and Washington to Canada, or south into Mexico and Central America.

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