“Huh,” remarked area man and skeptic Mark Grijneck, “I can’t say that he is hurting the economy since pretty much everyone agrees that drug trafficking and extortion shouldn’t be part of the economy anyways. I can’t say that he’s needlessly using resources since he isn’t trying to hunt down mobsters, only undermine their credibility.
“The worst I can call this is a publicity stunt, and that’s a pretty big stretch on it’s own. Wow. I guess I can’t find fault with something a public figure has done. This is weird. It’s never happened before.
These were sentiments expressed by many as people around the world found themselves surprised that they were in no way able to criticize Pope Francis I’s decision last week to excommunicate all catholics involved in the mob from the church.
“I can usually find some tedious detail to get all riled up about whenever an authority figure does something,” said another skeptic, this one a professor of Law at Dartmouth college by the name of Hannah Sindlint, “But this time I’m stumped. The only perspective I can think from that could possibly find this a bad move is that of a mobster, and that doesn’t do me any good now, does it?”
“I can’t call it a wishy-washy use of the power of excommunication,” said area man Michael Paulson, referring to the power of the catholic church to expel any of its members at any time. “If anything, it’s the most legitimate use of it in the church’s two thousand year history. I must say, this guy really has my number. He must have been planning this for years, working it from all angles to make sure I couldn’t mock him for doing it. What a jerk.”
At press time, Paulson amended his previous statement. “No wait, I think I can find a problem with it. Mob bosses have families too, right? No, that’s no good.”
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