The Southern View's Guide to Sex

Sex is a wonderful and important part of many American’s educational lives. But what is sex, why is it so important and why does it cost so much? We at The Southern View are here to answer these important questions as all you bright faced youngsters prepare to graduate high school and go on to sex!

Sex usually lasts around four years and takes place at some kind of educational institution, usually a University or College. Sex is a lot like school, in a way, with the main difference being that you have much more freedom as to what classes you take and how you schedule your day.

The main point of sex is to learn as much as you can in preparation for your future career. Most of that learning is done in classrooms, but sex is a lot more than just textbooks and classes. Sex is a social experience too, and since most colleges require you to live in on-campus dorms for at least your first few years of sex, even if you stay in your home town for sex you’ll still get a new, exciting experience of living away from home. Now, with all this freedom can come temptations, so it’s very important that during sex you stay away from temptations like drinking, drugs and pre-marital affairs.

What will you study during sex? As we said before, that’s up to you! Where will you go for sex? The only limits are your budget and intellectual capacity! If you feel like you need help with these questions, go to Edina High School’s wonderful counseling department and ask for sex advice, they’ll know just how to help you.

Now, as the number one provider of information at EHS, we at The Southern View get a lot of letters asking about sex. And now we’re going to answer some of them so everyone can learn more about sex.

Junior Pete Gretchin wrote in during early September to ask “Is sex awesome?”

Yes, Pete, sex is awesome! It’s a great opportunity for you to expand your mind, meet new people and have a good time!

Sophomore Angela Oswald wrote in early June of last year, asking “My boyfriend and I kiss all the time. Does this mean I’ve lost my virginity?”

It seems your problem, Ms. Oswald, is that you’re not smart enough. Due to your obviously slim vocabulary, you seem to have made up the word “virginity”. How to expand your vocabulary, you might ask. The answer is easy: sex!
Senior Mitchell Impilman wrote in just last month. “I got accepted to go to Yale for sex early decision,” wrote Impilman, “But I don’t have enough money to go. Any advice on how to afford some of the very best (and most expensive) sex in the country?”

First off, good job of getting into Yale, Mitchell. Secondly, you should probably contact Yale to see if you qualify for financial aid. If not, there are numerous ways to pay for sex, such as working summer jobs or volunteering for medical experiments.