Thank you all so very much for allowing me to extract your precious blood.
As I sit here in my castle in Transylvania, dictating this letter to my mindless servant, I think of those less fortunate than I. That is who we’re pretending to donate this to, right, servant? Yes, of course.
As I sit here in my castle in Transylvania, dictating this letter to my mindless servant, I think of those less fortunate than I. That is who we’re pretending to donate this to, right, servant? Yes, of course.
What was I saying? Oh yes, I think of those less fortunate than I. That’s not to say that I haven’t encountered any hardship in my life. There was that time I almost ate garlic, the time I was banished from my home town, the time my reputation was tarnished by that godawful Twilight series. But I digress.
The point is that you made the right decision to enter into my blood donation van. You also made the right decision to allow us to blindfolds on you so you couldn’t see the equipment we were using. Don’t worry, my fangs, I mean, the needles were very clean.
Also, do not worry if you begin having some side-effects such as light-headedness, drowsiness, insomnia, low body temperature, suddenly gaining the ability to fly, a sudden hatred of werewolves, not appearing in reflections. My alchemist tells me these are all perfectly normal and harmless.
And now a word about safety. After giving blood, you are recommended to refrain from strenuous activity, operating heavy machinery, or entering holy spaces for at least one eternity. Please take this under advisement.
I apologize for the long wait which may have made you late to class. The draining of blood and darkening of the soul takes longer than you’d expect.
I would like to take this space to clarify that your blood can not be given back.
If you are more devoted to, er, charity than most, please show up at my Transylvanian castle at midnight before the rainy season. The rest of your blood can be very delicious. I mean, delicious to the needy people we’re giving it to. That’s what they do with it, drink it, right?
Never mind.
Good luck on the PSAT and happy Halloween!
Chancellor Ludvig von Hellscream
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