A pair of mirrors, which have been recently installed in the second-floor boy’s lavatory, were given a life expectancy of roughly two weeks by a team of highly knowledgeable experts. Head-of-Research Mark Burns told reporters, “Using in-depth psychological analysis of teenage boys and statistics on the mirrors’ ability to be vandalized, we found that in all likelihood these mirrors will be stolen, broken, covered in pizza sauce, bent, or obscured with inappropriate symbols in roughly a fortnight.”
The research included interviews with various male members of the student body, including sophomore Andrew Johanson. “Yeah, a bunch of guys in white coats came up to me and asked me what I thought about the new mirrors in the bathroom. I told them the truth, that every time I walk past them I am filled with a primal urge to take out a permanent marker and write my name in huge letters,” said Johanson.
History backs up this research, too. All past attempts to put a reflective surface in that bathroom has ended in its inevitable destruction.
Principal Doctor Locklear, however, claimed to trust the student body to keep the mirror in good repair. “I don’t care what these researchers say, I believe in these kids to go as long as possible before defiling those mirrors. Why, they might actually be able to hold their destructive nature back a full month!”
UPDATE: Twenty minutes before press time, the mirror was found covered in green paint, corroded by some sort of acid, and vandalized with the words “Bite me.”
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