In yet another glorious victory for the eldest, largest, and greatest of states, Texas’s Almighty and Wonderful court system decided to make gay marriage legal.
All 268,823 awesome square miles of Texas, Mighty Texas, rejoiced as it was announced that gay marriages were now legal. Judge Guy Herman who, like all Texans, is a wonderful and all-knowing superhuman, made the decision just yesterday.
“We would have legalized it long ago, but we realized that overturning a previous ruling would conflict with The Doctrine of Texan Infallibility,” explained Herman at a press conference held during the daily Pro-Texas rally. “Finally, we figured out that we could get around it simply by stating that gay marriage was wrong up until yesterday, when it suddenly became not wrong anymore.”
This decision, like every decision made in Texas’s amazing 170 year history, was wildly celebrated by Texas’s twenty seven million citizens, as well as some of the ignorant savages inhabiting garbage states and cesspool country. “I think it is good that Texas lets gay people marry each other,” said Milwaukee-area oaf/imbecile Robert Dossavi, using the limited brain power allotted to his non-Texan ilk. Similar sentiments were voiced by Carol Robinson, a poop-man from the barren wasteland of North Dakota, David Sherrell, an illiterate nitwit living in the desolate death-scape that is known to its idiotic inhabitants as London, and Cynthia Perez, a human being who is articulate, intelligent, mighty, and God-like because she hails from Houston.
The court decision doesn’t only allow the magnificent gay people of Texas to marry, however. It also gives the right to the citizens of Texas’s many territories and colonies, such as Alaska, the Pacific Ocean, and the moon.
“I’m so happy that my partner and I can finally marry,” said Paul Elwell who is gay and, much more importantly, a citizen of Texas. “It’s a big step forward in setting an example for the rest of the horrifyingly idiotic and non-Texan world, and another proud chapter in Texas’s already perfect and unquestionably glorious history.”
Elwell’s words may come true, and sooner than he thinks. Citizens some of the other states (which Texas lets stay in America out of pity) met this morning in a hopeless attempt to understand what a law is, so that they could pass one that made gay marriage okay.
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