Longtime Edina High School English teacher Martha Cosgrove finished her career at EHS today, an action that sparked the immediate and complete destruction of the MLA Format.
Cosgrove, who aside from teaching literature on both standard and AP levels, was also apparently the sole being holding the standardized system for formal writing known as MLA Format together. Seconds after her departure from her room at EHS, reports began flooding in describing the crash of the MLA Purdue Owl website and copies of The MLA Style Guide spontaneously combusting. When questioned about these events, head of The International Center for the English Language Tony Shindeler told reporters, “as it turns out, Mrs. Cosgrove’s personal willpower was the only thing keeping the MLA format from the utter annihilation it has now undergone.”
And MLA isn’t the only institution taking a hit. Just minutes after Cosgrove’s retirement, the five paragraph essay, a formulaic and mindless organizational style that Cosgrove crusaded against for years, had declared total world domination.
Cosgrove told reporters she plans to spend her retirement, “reading, relaxing, and looking the other way so I don’t realize my absence has cast the literary world into a dark age from which it will never recover.”
